Baby or Career? It seems we need to choose between them.

Dr Tony Falconer has advised that the ideal age to have a baby is between 20 and 35.

This has been widely reported in the national press e.g Guardian and The Times, which also talks about teaching young girls about the ideal age to start a family as part of the school sex education classes. This really means asking girls to decide if they want a career or an early family whilst they are still at school.

What about those of us who have had that choice taken away? The single 30-something women who know time is not on their side, if they want their life to go as their mothers did and how they were taught theirs should;

1. Meet someone special
2. Move in with them
3. Get engaged
4. Get married
5. Start a family

Bearing in mind that you also probably imagined having a year or two at each stage before you move on to the next.

Do those of us approaching 35, and still single, have to give up the ideal plan on which we have based our lives so far? Will relationships now have to move far quicker than we'd like in order to keep that plan on track? Will we end up settling for second best to get on the family ladder rather than waiting for something we're really looking for?

Would it be so bad to not have children at all? I know a few women in their 50s who don't have children and have a seemingly great lifestyle. Similar to how mine is now. Do I want to give that up? Should I stop worrying and let whatever will be, be?

As a Director of a City based firm I am at a critical stage of my career. If I hang on and make the next step then I might be set up to be able to take time off for children without jeopardising my career too much. But to take a break now would be a serious set back. Probably a good job that I am currently single then!

But teaching young girls about when they need to have children is all well and good as long as you teach the boys about that too. Otherwise we'll have a generation of girls trying to tie boys down early and a generation of boys running for their lives!

Also, we have to consider that not everyone is destined to be a mother or have that perfect nuclear family unit. At what point do you decide, or is it decided for you, whether you'll be a mother or the childless career woman who supports her friends who have that idyllic family life that she was brought up to expect for herself? Maybe not all of us are destined to be mothers and we should accept that and not see it as a failure, just a different lifestyle.

The family woman and her childless friend may well have a turbulent relationship where the other is grateful for their own lifestyle but also has an element of jealousy over the other's. The mother wants the independent, cash-rich lifestyle and the career woman wants the homely family life. The grass is always greener.

Perhaps it's the start of a New Year, The Times article, or because I'm days away from another birthday that will take me closer to be the big 3-5, that has caused me to panic. Maybe I should just accept what I have, and what comes to me, when it does. If that means a husband and children, that's wonderful.

The thing is that I don't feel at all ready for children right now. I can't imagine having them now even if I was married. Maybe the desire for children only comes when that stable environment presents itself. Maybe it won't come for me at all. Well, according to The Times, I've only got a few more years for that situation, and the desire, to present itself. No pressure then!